carbonated beverage

sanyu-thewitch05:

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Pay the people who write the phrases and sentences on scripts that make you laugh.


—signed, a future screenwriter

anotherfagontheinternet:

samyelbanette:

Had a baffling conversation with an international friend this morning so now I have a question for y’all.

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When you brush your teeth. Is there a small paper cup that you use for the water? Like this?

Yes. I use these.

No. We don’t have these in my country.

We have these in my country but I prefer to use something else

#i just use my hand#my family used to use these but after i moved out i figured it was a waste of money#<- they’re not even expensive tho???

i couldn’t afford bus fare most days when i first moved out; i wasn’t gonna spend money on paper cups lol

deathcultmegachurch:

“i just don’t like masculine women” literally i’m so sorry for you loss. i hope you get well soon

That’s okay, more for the rest of us

regulusmasamune:

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

To address extreme levels of data scraping & system manipulation, we’ve applied the following temporary limits:  - Verified accounts are limited to reading 6000 posts/day - Unverified accounts to 600 posts/day - New unverified accounts to 300/day  — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 1, 2023ALT

what the everloving fuck

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FREE ME

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*screams into the void*

Please excuse me, but I was reading an article about this on CNN and feel like this is an important addition. (Link to CNN article it’s from.)

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unniebeans:

vampireautism:

vampireautism:

also before it starts to happen: if i see a single person calling july “gay wrath month” or saying “we deserve a second one” it is ON SIGHT. that is DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH. abled queers i will run you over with my wheelchair if you so much as reblog one of those comments.

hello! reblog this version instead!

Hello! Disabled person here. Did you know those of us declared legally disabled and collect SSI and benefits are barred from getting married? Yep! I’m also queer so this isn’t hate at all, it’s a call to action: if you love marriage equality, come help us fight for ours.

isawken:

isawken:

the last human died today in captivity. it was 137 years old. it passed away peacefully in it’s enclosure, under a weighted blanket, clutching a Squishmallow (a type of pseudo-companion favored by the infamously social human species).

the last human’s handlers are devastated despite knowing its end was near- the average lifespan of a human in the wild rarely exceeded 80 years. “it always wanted to talk to me” one handler tearfully recounted. “i’ll never forget the smile it gave us every time we opened up for morning feedings. it was like i was its best friend. it really made you feel special”. although the human had long since been removed from public viewings, those who had been lucky enough to see it during its exhibition days are similarly saddened by the loss. “i’ll never forget,” one former spectator said, “going to see the human exhibition when i was young. i was oddly frightened, but i was pushed to the front of the crowd in all the madness. it was quite the spectacle to see a human back then. i don’t know if it could sense my fear, but for a moment, we made eye contact. and it waved at me. and i waved back. and it waved again, more excitedly this time.” the former spectator chuckles. “they had to drag me away from the exhibit after that. i could have spent hours just sitting there with that thing, making motions at each other. how amazing it is, to be able to communicate with something so alien to you, in such a simple way”.

crabussy:

crabussy:

hey. don’t cry. crush two cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in pasta of your choice ok?

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PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!

toa-arania:

mostly-funnytwittertweets:

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obsessed with this tag tbh

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